the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
