oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
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