I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
