Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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