Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
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