Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
