Have you finally orgasmed yet?
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
