I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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