She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
