I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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