The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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