A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
