No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
