her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
is that a dick in a sweater?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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