also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
