i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
