I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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