If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
