Your mouth is God's brothel.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
My vagina is officially offended.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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