the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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