My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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