Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
