why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
It was confusing and full of hummus
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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