I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
