Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
