Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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