He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
