He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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