Can Purell be used as lube?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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