You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
