Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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