Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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