The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
