corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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