I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Life without a bra equals bliss.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
