let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
