I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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