Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
