if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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