So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
