He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
There's even glitter on my cock...
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