She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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