i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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