Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
