dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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