four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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