In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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