Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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