Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
its liver damage thursday
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
