I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Randomize
