eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
