Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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