Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
