You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
