I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
